Getting Along Without Going Along: Navigating the Social Side of Healthy Living with Dr. Doug Lisle
If you’ve ever found yourself dodging questions about your lunch or bracing for family potlucks with dread, you're not alone. Choosing a healthy path—especially one that diverges from the mainstream—often comes with unexpected social challenges. Fortunately, Dr. Doug Lisle, Ph.D., brings a powerful and often hilarious framework to help us handle those moments with grace, intelligence, and a bit of clever strategy.
Dr. Lisle is a psychologist and co-author of The Pleasure Trap, and the founder of Esteem Dynamics. With degrees from the University of California, San Diego, and a clinical psychology residency at the University of Virginia, he served as the psychologist for The McDougall Program for over 20 years. His insights are grounded in evolutionary biology and offer a refreshingly candid take on why humans behave the way they do—especially when confronted with someone who dares to be different.
At PLANTSTRONG Retreats, Dr. Lisle delivers his fan-favorite talk, Getting Along Without Going Along, in which he explores one central question: Why is it so hard to do the right thing when everyone else around you isn’t?
Here are just a few of the standout takeaways from his talk:
🌱 You’re Not Weird. You’re Just Early.
Human beings evolved to survive in tightly-knit villages where being in good standing—having esteem—was everything. When you deviate from the group (say, by ditching cheese or passing on the brisket), it can rattle others because it looks like you’re trying to “out-esteem” them. Dr. Lisle teaches you how to protect your relationships while standing strong in your values.
🛑 It’s Not About Protein.
When someone asks, “Where do you get your protein?” they’re not really asking about your macros. More often, they’re unconsciously worried that you’re signaling moral or intellectual superiority. Dr. Lisle’s advice? Respond with disarming humility: “I’m just trying this out—it seems to be working for me right now.” Non-confrontational, non-threatening, and highly effective.
🎭 Status, Esteem, and the Human Soap Opera
Humans are constantly tracking their standing in the “village.” Whether it’s comparing lunches in the break room or judging who’s “winning” the holiday potluck, Dr. Lisle reveals the internal calculator we all carry for social rank—and how your dietary choices might be seen as a threat to that delicate balance.
🔧 Use the “Seems” Strategy
Instead of preaching or defending your choices, use the word seems: “It seems to be working for me.” This gentle, non-committal phrasing disarms defensiveness and keeps the peace while protecting your integrity.
🤫 Sometimes, Less Is More
You don’t need to win arguments. In fact, winning them often lowers your “friendship score.” Dr. Lisle’s data-backed insight? The more health arguments you win, the fewer friends you keep. The key to being persuasive, ironically, is being non-persuasive.
Come Hear It Live
Dr. Lisle’s talk is one of the highlights of every PLANTSTRONG Retreat. It’s part stand-up comedy, part psychology masterclass, and wholly transformative. If you’ve ever struggled with social friction around your lifestyle, this session alone is worth the trip.
Join us at a PLANTSTRONG Retreat to hear Dr. Doug Lisle live and experience a weekend that nourishes both body and soul. You’ll leave feeling empowered, entertained, and equipped with tools to thrive—without alienating the village.
